Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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