I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
