DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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