At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
