found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
