best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
