Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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