There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
