my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
