Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
