Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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