my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
