I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
