UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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