I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize