i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
