i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
