flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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