mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
