I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
