Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
