someone get that fucking seahorse.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
