Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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