And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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