maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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