i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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