For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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