awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
