i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
