We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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