Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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