I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
