walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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