im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
