I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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