Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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