Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize