That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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