Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
