You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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