Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
