I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize