woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
