How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
