My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We're too hungover to prance.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize