he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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