Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
