pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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