can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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