You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You are a booty call, not a friend.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT