dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.