Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD