it hurts more in the daytime
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
