HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
