Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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