tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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