Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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