So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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