you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You left your phone here
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