Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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