Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
