if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
