I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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