apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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