If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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