i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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