I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
