Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
