similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
